January 09, 2008

Sad thoughts and happy thoughts

Well, with the recent tragedy I really haven't been up to doing much. I have had many emotions run through me: sadness, anger, shock, disbelief, feeling sick, and just feeling plain down. I wanted to write about my sweet friend Kristy, but I am not good with words and really didn't know what say. But I finally decided that I needed to write something, and hopefully it comes out the way I intend. Even though I hadn't talked to Kristy in quite awhile (even though last week I did tell Ryan I needed to call her, and didn't. I feel really bad about that, but I did learn my lesson.) I just keep remebering the funny, outspoken, and giving person she was. She was so fun to be around, and I was always so excited when Investools would have dinner parties because I knew she would be there and we would laugh the whole night. After I had ELi she was determined to get me skinny again, and we would do Tae bo at her house. And she was always quick to tell me that my stance was wrong or I wasn't sucking in or anything else I was doing wrong, but it was nice to have someone to help me out, even if I couldn't get the punch just right. She was a great person, and I regret that I didn't make that phone call so that i could have one last laugh with her.
I cry for those sweet boys who will not be able to know thier mom and have her hug and kiss them. I hope that they will grow to be great young men and be able to overcome this terrible event. It helps me to appreciate my little babies a litttle more.
I am also in total shock and disbelief to think that someone who's house I had been in, sat next to at church, ate dinner with on numerous occossions, and who my husband saw and talked to on a daily basis at work could do such a horriffic thing. It is still so hard for me to comprehend.
But, I decided today that I am sure Kristy would not want me, or really anyone for that matter, to just sit around feeling sorry for her, she would want us to be happy and to do something good and worwhile instead. So I decided to help take my mind off things that I would think of something that makes me happy, and of course the one person that can always make me smile is crazy Eli. So I was thinking of some of the random, funny things he said to me in the last couple days, and thought I would share them with you and even though they may not be as funny to you, they were funny to me and it is helping me smile ansd feel a little better by remebering them and writing them down
First, I was wearing a ponytail in my hair (a very little one, because I don't have much hair) and he came up and took the elastic out and said, "I don't like you to have a ponytail, it makes you look dumb." Since when do three year olds care how thier mom's hair looks.
another thing he said was, "Mom, why are you wearing those pants? I don't like them." This is funny for a couple reasons: first the obvious-the fact that he has an opinion on my pants, and second they are new pants and he noticed that. I mean come on, Ryan rarely even notices when I wear new clothes. And the thing that he said to me today that really made my day and made me feel better was: "Mom you are the best. Dad isn't the best, you are the best". Ah, how sweet is that? (now granted he was talking about who brushes his teeth the best, but I don't care I will take what I can get, since Ryan usually is the one who is the best at everything, at least I can say I am the best at brushing his teeth). So now that I have been able to write a few of my emotions down for therapeutic reasons, and also been able to make myself smile by thinking about my silly son, I am going to go call a friend I haven't talked to in awhile, so I won't have another regret.


Savage Family said...

I am so glad for your post! It put a smile on my face. You are good at a lot of things you need to give yourself more credit! I am so glad we are back in touch more! I have missed you!

carrie said...

Lessley, I just love you. I loved everything you wrote....and you wrote it well. I loved talking with you on Sunday, when everything was still so fresh on our minds.... You and Ryan were both good to her. I remember you helping her out, babysitting Brandon for her. Don't you remember at one of the parties at your house...and how funny she was?? I'll have to call you so we can laugh about it....'cause it's WAY too long for me to write!! ha ha You're great...and your GREAT, or THE BEST at MANY things. I think we're all being really hard on ourselves these days.... It's hard not to feel the way we're feeling, but you were right.... Kristy would want us to laugh and be happy about her and about everything else. She would get such a kick out of everyone remembering her in such AMAZING ways, don't you think?? In fact, I was just upstairs in Bella's room....prying her darling little tea set out of her hands so she didn't break it....and thinking how great you are. I remember crying when you gave it to her (and to me....) It was such a perfect gift, and you are so thoughtful. Thank you for being my friend. Love you!!

a-anderson said...

So sorry to hear about your friend Kristy. It is just awful. I love what you wrote, and how you focused on being happy and thinking about Eli. He is so funny. I love what he said about your hair and pants. What a cute and observant little guy.

Anne Marie said...

Lessley, I love what you wrote. I agree, I have spent so much time this week thinking, how could someone actually DO that, especially someone that I know??? And I didn't even know them nearly as well as you do. I agree with Carrie, too, that Kristy would want everyone to be happy and laugh and not be sad. I'm sure she understands everything a lot better than we do at this point.

The things that Eli said are SO cute. I can just picture him saying them. I can't believe how observant he is! He's just cute.

Lindsay said...

Lessley, hola, Lindsay Stroud. I'm sorry for how low you are feeling. I didn't know Kristy well, it's awful what happened.

Eli is hillarious. I remember at your house warming you telling me all the things about him, his million questions and what a little fashionista he is - too funny. I love jotting things my kids say down.

You are great.

Ryan T said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ryan T said...

Another funny Eli Story from today:

We were watching TV, and I started singing what they had just sung on TV.

Eli said (just like a parent would say to a child), "Dad, you don't need to say everything it just said on TV."

I laughed, then asked why I shouldn't.

He said "Because I don't like it."

What a character. We're in trouble.

Gina Steinagel said...

Hey Lessley...I just realized I never commented on this post. I link to your blog all the time and read and usually I comment but for some reason I didn't yet. Anyway I love the stories of Eli...he is one of kind and so much fun!! I just can't believe how old he is getting...I remember when you had him!! Thanks for being an awesome friend to me...we miss you and Ryan so much!! What's up...why didn't we all hang out more when you lived three doors down?? Life is so crazy that way isn't it!! Hope to hear you are coming out this way soon!! Love ya...Gina

Stephanie said...

Hi Lessley, I found your blog. Kids can be so funny. Isn't it great to have a place to share them? You are a great writer!