Sad thoughts and happy thoughts

Well, with the recent tragedy I really haven't been up to doing much. I have had many emotions run through me: sadness, anger, shock, disbelief, feeling sick, and just feeling plain down. I wanted to write about my sweet friend Kristy, but I am not good with words and really didn't know what say. But I finally decided that I needed to write something, and hopefully it comes out the way I intend. Even though I hadn't talked to Kristy in quite awhile (even though last week I did tell Ryan I needed to call her, and didn't. I feel really bad about that, but I did learn my lesson.) I just keep remebering the funny, outspoken, and giving person she was. She was so fun to be around, and I was always so excited when Investools would have dinner parties because I knew she would be there and we would laugh the whole night. After I had ELi she was determined to get me skinny again, and we would do Tae bo at her house. And she was always quick to tell me that my stance was wrong or I wasn't sucking in or anything else I was doing wrong, but it was nice to have someone to help me out, even if I couldn't get the punch just right. She was a great person, and I regret that I didn't make that phone call so that i could have one last laugh with her.
I cry for those sweet boys who will not be able to know thier mom and have her hug and kiss them. I hope that they will grow to be great young men and be able to overcome this terrible event. It helps me to appreciate my little babies a litttle more.
I am also in total shock and disbelief to think that someone who's house I had been in, sat next to at church, ate dinner with on numerous occossions, and who my husband saw and talked to on a daily basis at work could do such a horriffic thing. It is still so hard for me to comprehend.
But, I decided today that I am sure Kristy would not want me, or really anyone for that matter, to just sit around feeling sorry for her, she would want us to be happy and to do something good and worwhile instead. So I decided to help take my mind off things that I would think of something that makes me happy, and of course the one person that can always make me smile is crazy Eli. So I was thinking of some of the random, funny things he said to me in the last couple days, and thought I would share them with you and even though they may not be as funny to you, they were funny to me and it is helping me smile ansd feel a little better by remebering them and writing them down
First, I was wearing a ponytail in my hair (a very little one, because I don't have much hair) and he came up and took the elastic out and said, "I don't like you to have a ponytail, it makes you look dumb." Since when do three year olds care how thier mom's hair looks.
another thing he said was, "Mom, why are you wearing those pants? I don't like them." This is funny for a couple reasons: first the obvious-the fact that he has an opinion on my pants, and second they are new pants and he noticed that. I mean come on, Ryan rarely even notices when I wear new clothes. And the thing that he said to me today that really made my day and made me feel better was: "Mom you are the best. Dad isn't the best, you are the best". Ah, how sweet is that? (now granted he was talking about who brushes his teeth the best, but I don't care I will take what I can get, since Ryan usually is the one who is the best at everything, at least I can say I am the best at brushing his teeth). So now that I have been able to write a few of my emotions down for therapeutic reasons, and also been able to make myself smile by thinking about my silly son, I am going to go call a friend I haven't talked to in awhile, so I won't have another regret.